Remove the Scales From Our Eyes

Francis of Assisi - Friar (4 Oct 1226)

Now that it's done, I will share that I have been dealing with a degradation in my vision since about the beginning of the year.  Most alarmingly, as I approached bright lights from a distance, I saw three of them , arranged in a triangle, which would gradually converge as I approached.   Those newfangled LED signs were also especially vexing, because the letters were offset just enough to make the words impossible to read, reducing the whole affair to a blindingly bright mess.  How was I to know if the 1997 Mercury Capri to my left contained a kidnapped child or disoriented senior citizen?  I can make light of it now, but I took this impairment seriously and curtailed my driving to familiar roads in the daytime.  I felt confident enough in my ability to assess traffic and avoid obstacles, but not being able to easily see signs wasn't funny.

Because the unholy trinity described above was getting further apart and not closer together as time went on, I knew it was not something that was going to go away on its own. After a few attempts to deal with the problem, my regular optometrist referred me to the surgeon who repaired my retina in 2009.  I was rapidly diagnosed with cataracts, which is unusual but not unheard of for someone my age.

A cataract was not -- as I imagined -- a scratch or crater, so much as a build-up of crud.  The more it accumulates, the harder it is to see. So, over the past few weeks, I had minor surgery on both eyes which basically replaced the dirty lens with a clean one, which (bonus!) is also shaped to correct my extreme near-sightedness.  A new technique, being used by my surgeon only since July, also addressed my astigmatism, which means that - at least for distance - I won't need glasses!  Considering I have sported them since I was five, I am pretty excited about that part. Paradoxically, I jumped the line for being totally dependent on reading glasses, which means my trademark move of squinting at my phone five inches from my face will be retired from my act... once i remember it no longer works!

The amazing aspect of all this is how easy it all was. I was in the surgical center for no more than three hours each time, and part of that was spent waiting my turn.  The procedure itself was a few minutes, and within a few hours of getting home, I was unbandaged, looking no scarier than normal, and in only minor discomfort.  The follow-up amounts to some drops, three times a day, for the next week, and I have to be super-diligent about wearing sunglasses and hats because the fake lenses do not offer the same UV protection your body's do.

The cost of all this was not insignificant.  I am keenly aware how lucky I am to have insurance through my employer, which -- although my contribution has grown over the past few years -- still absorbed the lion's share of the bill.  The laser "upgrade" was out-of-pocket because it is not considered medically necessary, but I hate the idea that a person would forgo treating a problem like this -- which can literally affect your and others' safety -- because they couldn't pay for it.  As our government continues to use the AFA as a political football, I'm grateful to be seeing the world through new eyes, and wondering who around me is squinting, or suffering, as a result of our leaders' inability to work together. I hope my "new eyes" make me that much more aware of my tendency toward indifference, and willing to seize the opportunity to do good.

Grant, O Father, that your loving kindness in causing my own lines to fall in
pleasant places may not  make me less sensitive to the needs of others less privileged,
but rather more incline me to lay their burdens upon my own heart.  And if any
adversity should befall myself, then let me not brood upon my own sorrows, as if I
alone in the world were suffering, but rather let me busy myself in the  compassionate
service of those who need my help.  Then let the power of my Lord Jesus Christ

be strong within me, and His peace invade my spirit.  Amen.

- JOHN BAILLIE

God's Been Good to Me

Mary, Martha & Lazarus of Bethany

I begin writing here from a very "good place". Anyone who knows me well is aware that last summer was, for lack of a better expression, a shit show, bookended by the diagnosis and subsequent death of my friend and bandmate Henry from Leukemia, and punctuated in the middle by eye surgery which left me unable to drive, lift weights or read for the better part of a month. Thanks to the generosity of some close friends I was able to get out here and there but for the most part it was an isolating, unhappy time.

Thus there was nowhere to go but up, and -- being a summer person by nature -- I vowed that this year I would make up for it. Unlike George Costanza, I have thus far not been disappointed. In fact, looking back at what's happened so far, I feel as if someone up there has been stacking my deck in my favor.

Case in point, I found out a few months ago that a band I have loved for years, Chamberlain, had signed on to tour with The Gaslight Anthem this summer. Since they live in Indiana, aren't on a major label and broke up in 1998, I had pretty much assumed I would never see them live. Yesterday, I did, and it couldn't have been better. We got great seats, the weather cooperated, and they started out with one of my two favorite songs of theirs, "Try for Thunder" that had helped keep my spirits up when all the aforementioned stuff was going down last year. Also, I found out while writing this that they released a single "Raise it High" which hopefully means they're planning on doing more work together.

None of this should eclipse the fact that they were opening for Gaslight, the main reason most of the audience was there. I have to say that the audience, which was pretty young, was extremely receptive to both Chamberlain and the opening-opener, Tim Barry. Hailing from Richmond, VA and also the once-and-future(?) frontman of a punk band Avail, Barry is unapologetically rough-hewn and commented that he rarely performs anywhere "as nice as this". At one point he got off the stage with his acoustic and climbed partway up the amphitheater where he performed a song unamplified. Just about everybody quieted down so he could be heard, interrupting him only by clapping along at the chorus. He sheepishly thanked everyone for indulging him, calling his stunt "selfish" when in fact the audience seemed to love it.

I won't go on about Gaslight Anthem, both because I'm sure there will be tons of reviews of their show and I don't know their music that well, but they were pretty energetic and connected well with the crowd, who knew every word of every song. If only their teachers could get them to study so hard! Now I want to go see them again at the Stone Pony next week, especially since (Gaslight lead singer) Brian Fallon is a huge Springsteen fan. The Boss appeared at the Pony last Friday night to play a few songs with buddy Alejandro Escovedo, on whose album he appears, so you never know.

Anyway, I'm going to bed feeling very blessed.

"Try for Thunder"
By Chamberlain (written by David Moore & Alex Rubenstein) from the CDs The Moon, My Saddle and Five Year Diary

I haven't smiled in a long time but I've learned how to look impressed,
learned to lose the dreams I had when I was at my best.
When I was a boy on the back lawn, faith, like a gun,
I'd find and be it loaded or not I'd keep it at my side.

This voice inside keeps saying: "congratulations on what you've done,
on all you are and all that you won't become."
But even when it's hard I guess I'm never where I don't belong
and I'll get there by knowning I'd get there all along.

This life to me it's like a try for thunder.
This sky that I'm under it's the best sky for me.

I've learned less from daylight than from night threatening to leave.
All along my voice goes after what my hands cannot reach.
I ran through the fog without you, through the low hard language of rain,
afraid that if I caught what I came for I'd never want it again.

This life to me it's like a try for thunder.
This sky that I'm under it says God's been good to me.

One night in the rain you set me straight.
You said I have everything I need, and for every slow day in the sun there's two storms in between.
Where I am is where you'll find me at the edge of many things,
hands outstretched, doing circles in the rain, grinning like a thief.

This life to me it's like a try for thunder
this sky that I'm under it says God's been good to me.